From the Bible, Ecclesiastes III (King James Version):
3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
3:2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3:3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
3:4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
3:5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
3:6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
3:7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
3:8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
How often are we reminded of the seasons? For the most part I think it's easy to say that we tend to forget that just as Winter fades to Spring, so to will this season pass. At some point, the storm is bound to bring a rainbow and show a renewed promise that God said He would stand beside us through anything. But how often do we forget that promise? I do all the time. I have the easiest urge to being angry, frustrated, even extremely pissed off at God for allowing the unthinkable to happen. Yet, somewhere I've come to realize that no matter how many tests we think we pass or fail, God still prevails. He is still on the other side waiting to hold our hand and pull us through.
It's trust. I can openly say that I don't trust God at this point in my life. I don't trust that He will get me through this hardship, I don't trust that He has everything under control. But it's kind of ridiculous, because didn't God create trust?
It's a learning process, it's slow and VERY painful. But I will learn to gain trust, to place it in God's hands and say "In every season I will trust you and you alone Lord, because you are the maker, the keeper, you are my leader."
Monday, October 24, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Being a Nurse
A lot of little kids grow up dreaming to be a nurse or a doctor, some of them even go on to medical school... then again, some of us find ourselves places into the "nursing" position without having taken the exam or pass the boards - hoping and praying that we won't fail.
Everyone eventually qualifies for a hospital visit, a doctor's appointment, even a nursing home; but the points between those visits and appointments are what is largely not focused on.
14 years old and taking the "night shift"... unheard of right? Except, I was. I was on call from the hours of midnight to 7am, there to assist and manage my patients every need. More medication? No problem! Breathing treatments? Sure thing! (Let's hope she doesn't cough up more blood or vomit - you wouldn't want to be the one to clean it up.) On nights like these you try to analyize the situation to the best of your abilities and pray that no "codes" are called (aka... waking up mom for emergencies). It's a hard battle, a struggle to maintain composed and deal with the pressure of administering the right dosages, the correct treatments and coming up with something edible that a cranky cancer patient will find appetizing.
6 years later and it's the same situation... only with two patients now. You'd think you were living in a hospital if you stayed for the night. The hospital beds are alined just so, the pull-sheet ready to assist you if you have to switch a patient's position in bed. The tv is blaring (aren't they always in hospitals, I mean seriously.. it's not like you have anything better to do than to watch tv - or sleep through it). You edge awake every couple of hours to administer dosages of medication while you are constantly reminded it is a necessity by the coughing and weezing coming from down the hall. Oh! That reminds me, I better check on his lung fluid levels again, it seemed to have been building back up.
Pray, it's a necessity when you have such a wobbily patient. Would you like the walker today or the hover-round? Please, please, PLEASE don't fall while walking to the bathroom again... or at least remember to move your head! Too many stitches can leave you pretty scarred and that blood all over my clothes and hands leaves me scarred as well.
Lay down for a nap and all of the sudden another pee break is in need... Oops, gotta go lay down the bed - don't you love hospital beds? I'm probably going to need one soon since these patients are wearing me down. Don't get sick, you can never report to the clinic with a cold. How dare you! What happens if you spread it a patient? That means more pills, more breathing treatments, more trips to the bathroom!
Don't forget the medication, remember we just added that new one. *ring* Yes... I was calling to inquire about the side affects of this new medication? WHAT?!? Well why didn't the doctor tell me that at the office... (It's always nice to know when medications aren't supposed to be mixed). Suddenly you have to haul a 6'4 body out of bed, someone who can barely move and isn't coherent from all of the medication stuffed into them. Wrestle them down the hall and into the bathroom. Wait, me having to pull your pants down for you and set you onto the toliet is degrading for you and embarassing for me? Hmm, I wish someone would have thought about that before they put me on duty.
And then you have the pestering family members -
1) What medications are you giving them... but WHY do you have to give them that? Can 't you change it. I disapprove!!
--Sweety, you didn't sit for 6 hours at the doctor's office and hear the 95 reasons why the 'AMAZING' medication you are self-recommending could kill them.
2) Why haven't you fed them yet? You are trying to starve them!
--Really? Have you asked them twelve times if they are hungry? Did you cook 3 different meals trying to find something appetizing? Thanks... really, I'm looking forward to having to clean up the vomit from them upchucking the food you just snuck into them because it wasn't approved on their diet list.
If you aren't dealing with the chemo treatments, physical therapy, emergency room visits and nonsense... then maybe you aren't in the ideal place to be commenting considering you haven't answered your phone or emails in the past 3 years to hear what has been happening.
95% of the people around me constantly say - "But it's too hard for you, you need a life." "How come you don't have time for me?!?! You always blow me off"
No, life isn't in my control. I don't have time of my own... because when you are a nurse - your time belongs to others. If you can't understand who I am, or why I'm doing the things I am - then I believe a reality check is in order for you. Because this is my reality. This is who I am. I'm a nurse.
Everyone eventually qualifies for a hospital visit, a doctor's appointment, even a nursing home; but the points between those visits and appointments are what is largely not focused on.
14 years old and taking the "night shift"... unheard of right? Except, I was. I was on call from the hours of midnight to 7am, there to assist and manage my patients every need. More medication? No problem! Breathing treatments? Sure thing! (Let's hope she doesn't cough up more blood or vomit - you wouldn't want to be the one to clean it up.) On nights like these you try to analyize the situation to the best of your abilities and pray that no "codes" are called (aka... waking up mom for emergencies). It's a hard battle, a struggle to maintain composed and deal with the pressure of administering the right dosages, the correct treatments and coming up with something edible that a cranky cancer patient will find appetizing.
6 years later and it's the same situation... only with two patients now. You'd think you were living in a hospital if you stayed for the night. The hospital beds are alined just so, the pull-sheet ready to assist you if you have to switch a patient's position in bed. The tv is blaring (aren't they always in hospitals, I mean seriously.. it's not like you have anything better to do than to watch tv - or sleep through it). You edge awake every couple of hours to administer dosages of medication while you are constantly reminded it is a necessity by the coughing and weezing coming from down the hall. Oh! That reminds me, I better check on his lung fluid levels again, it seemed to have been building back up.
Pray, it's a necessity when you have such a wobbily patient. Would you like the walker today or the hover-round? Please, please, PLEASE don't fall while walking to the bathroom again... or at least remember to move your head! Too many stitches can leave you pretty scarred and that blood all over my clothes and hands leaves me scarred as well.
Lay down for a nap and all of the sudden another pee break is in need... Oops, gotta go lay down the bed - don't you love hospital beds? I'm probably going to need one soon since these patients are wearing me down. Don't get sick, you can never report to the clinic with a cold. How dare you! What happens if you spread it a patient? That means more pills, more breathing treatments, more trips to the bathroom!
Don't forget the medication, remember we just added that new one. *ring* Yes... I was calling to inquire about the side affects of this new medication? WHAT?!? Well why didn't the doctor tell me that at the office... (It's always nice to know when medications aren't supposed to be mixed). Suddenly you have to haul a 6'4 body out of bed, someone who can barely move and isn't coherent from all of the medication stuffed into them. Wrestle them down the hall and into the bathroom. Wait, me having to pull your pants down for you and set you onto the toliet is degrading for you and embarassing for me? Hmm, I wish someone would have thought about that before they put me on duty.
And then you have the pestering family members -
1) What medications are you giving them... but WHY do you have to give them that? Can 't you change it. I disapprove!!
--Sweety, you didn't sit for 6 hours at the doctor's office and hear the 95 reasons why the 'AMAZING' medication you are self-recommending could kill them.
2) Why haven't you fed them yet? You are trying to starve them!
--Really? Have you asked them twelve times if they are hungry? Did you cook 3 different meals trying to find something appetizing? Thanks... really, I'm looking forward to having to clean up the vomit from them upchucking the food you just snuck into them because it wasn't approved on their diet list.
If you aren't dealing with the chemo treatments, physical therapy, emergency room visits and nonsense... then maybe you aren't in the ideal place to be commenting considering you haven't answered your phone or emails in the past 3 years to hear what has been happening.
95% of the people around me constantly say - "But it's too hard for you, you need a life." "How come you don't have time for me?!?! You always blow me off"
No, life isn't in my control. I don't have time of my own... because when you are a nurse - your time belongs to others. If you can't understand who I am, or why I'm doing the things I am - then I believe a reality check is in order for you. Because this is my reality. This is who I am. I'm a nurse.
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